Posted: 12/22/2016 at 12:44pm | IP Logged

I’m Not Staying Here

Amanda Leonard

Tired.

This year has left me tired and dizzy.

As I've been fighting a fight, that's already been won.

My head spinning, as I've looked for ways to escape, instead of being mesmerized by Your fiery gaze.
Your face.

Yet why, why had I run from the secret place? Had I run for fear of what I could become? Afraid of what I'd see about me? Afraid impossibilities would crumble before me? Actually intimidated of growing into a mature son, that my stumbling baby steps would soon lead to maturity and responsibility? How could I have come so far only to find my foundation shaken, again? Can't I just stay in diapers, that wouldn't be weird at all? Right?

My questioning seems asinine and that I would run from the Divine, believing He would not be able to handle me and the confines of my mind?

I'm not staying here.

I see the promised land.

I see the Door.

The Giants looks like grasshoppers. I smell the aroma of sweet honey. I'm going in.
 
Fear, I hate you and I love you. I stare you in the face and look past my racing heart and sweaty palms, and I go. My enemy, my friend. You help me grow.

I go through You Jesus, I see through You Jesus, I push past the fear and I stand.
Naked, unashamed and stronger.

I may be tired but I will not stop. I will push with all that is in me. I will cling ever so tightly to Your grace, not wasting a single drop. Slow and steady wins the race.

You have already won, now I will overcome.

Here's my tennis shoes. No more running from You. Bare feet, I run towards You. I am Your daughter. You want great things for me. I see me, as You see me and others too. I admit I really like this view.

So cheers to maturity. A mature one I will become. The growing pains may come but I welcome them.

I will respond to the earths groaning. I will rise and shine, for I am the glory of the Lord. The whole earth will be filled with His glory. That's me, that's you, filled and overflowing with Him.
 
Immanuel, God with us.

Pouring out.

Jesus everywhere. Before Him are all things and in Him are all things. Lord, You deserve the glory. You deserve, what You have longed for, what is rightfully Yours. Family. Sons and daughters full of Your glory.

Full of light and life, grace and truth.

Family, full of You.

So, I will not remain in my own "stuckness". I refuse. I will stop sticking out my fists and fighting and rest. I am not the victim. I submit to You Father and resist the enemy. Resistance builds muscle. I am strong in You and victorious. I will keep going for me, for you, for my children and their children's children.

Maturity sees generations.

I am going in, again.
 
I thank You for the "again".
 
I do not despise this process, as tired as I have been.

I feel new strength arising, rising like eagles wings, soaring with the Wind.

Amanda Leonard
timeinhispresence