I am in my 20's, my boyfriend of 2years is in his 30's but I love him so so much. First of all, the problem started when I found out he cheated during a period he was treating me somehow and distanced himself from me. I forgave him, we tried working things out, then I found a girl's private on his phone and a picture of a girl, It was only natural for me to be angry and then i yelled and used the fword for him to leave my house, then as he was leaving, I held him back but he pushed me, i now chased him outside to bring him back to my house so we could settle the issue, he kept running off, and pushed me and all. He stopped talking to me, after i kept pleading and pleading until he forgave me.

Also he started distancing himself again, and then I found out he had guests and all. Then he would just talk to me anyhow, so one day he came back crying to me after about 3months, that he had failed me and all, he still loves me, and tha same day, i just forgave him.

We were so cool and fine and then i did something by putting a picture of us we took together on facebook for a particular lady i suspected they were having something going on, and then she asked me for friend request, changed her profile pic to one with my bf and I. Next day, my bf called me and before i could ask and explain to him, what's going on, he yelled at me and didnt let me explain, that why would I put a pic of us and with a fake name without his permission. Before this incident, I remember calling him one day, he was sad and talking somehow, i knew it was money issue, so i told him i would help him and gave him part of my school fees which im still in debt for. Just for him to be happy and promising paying me back, he has not of cause.

Later he called me and started begging me but also behaving somehow, missed four appointments, we were meant to see and he showed little care. So one day I showed up at his house and he wasnt home. I called him and he started telling me why did i show up without telling him and now he's not home and all, and before i knew it, i exploded and started cursing him out, saying words i never imagined i would, but next day i calmed down and started begging him to forgive me, that i was only frustrated with him. I did for about 1 week, even told my brother to beg him for me and all.

Today, I showed up again at his place after worrying his phone was out of service, and he broke up with me. Telling me didnt i know it was over? that he had a visitor upstairs, another woman. I told him so he's telling me it's over after everything? he said yes, even pushed me when i wanted to force myself into the house. He asked me if I had sex with other men, i said no, i was hurting, he said i was lying to myself and maybe tha was why i was frustrated. And so I left.

Im so so so hurt. Did I really deserve what i got? Did I really deserve this as he got me so frustrated and I said some words to him, I did not through text messages after everything?

Hi Val,

My heart goes out to you too, as I can relate to much of what you have shared.

You are learning, first hand, what fallen humanity is like.  You are tasting the bitter fruit of fallen man.  It may not be of much comfort to you now, but God will use all of your pain for good.  Through this you will learn to love in a way you never thought possible.

Anyway, that's in the future.  What you need right now, as Charlene has shared, is to get to "know" the love of your Father.  Seek to receive His love.  He is not angry or punishing you.  He is longing for you to come to Him and surrender all your pain to Him, so he can heal your broken heart.  Give all the confusion and striving to Him, and let Him unravel it all in His perfect wisdom.  Surrender yourself to His TLC (tender loving care).

With love, Mandy

@Mandy

I know I did insult him and say words I should not have said but it was out of frustration. Frustration he caused for me afer everything he did and kept doing, and i apologised to him, begged him and all.

I was hopeless at first because I was hiding away from God feeling that he failed me or punishing me for my sins or because I distanced myself from him but I'm opening up and coming back to him.

This is such a good thing Val. 

There is a wonderful song by Jason Upton called "Come up here".  It's the words of God to His Beloved.  "Come up here, My Beloved."  Towards the end he sings the words "Don't let anything, don't let anyone hold you back."

I believe this is what God is saying to you right now.

Love Mandy