Posted: 08/18/2008 at 8:35am | IP Logged

Sandy

live in central NM, been widowed 2 months now.

Although it's all so fresh ( married 25 years and husband's passing on to Glory totally unexpected accident.......he was my "other half") Jesus has been holding me tight and walking me through. It's been a rough ride. The emotional roller coaster is more than mere words can describe......however, my thankfulness to the Lord is overwhelming. His love, His still small voice, His strength.......well, let's just say I am experiencing that is such a different awesome way.

Grief has a way of slowing the brain, draining the energy. I feel such compassion for widows and widowers who don't know Jesus, don't have that "hope", don't know like I do that I will see my dearly beloved husband again.

I have many tell me I need to seek grief counseling. Not because they know me that well, or have witnessed any irratic behaviour......they just think we need to run to a counselor. Well, I did.......I ran immediately to Abba's arms.

He who finds shelter in the most High, will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

This world is full of pain and surprises, but Bless God, I am not OF this world, just in it. I miss my husband terribly, it's such a strange and sorrowful thing. He was a bull of a man. My family is close and the kids (grown) were so shocked. We have helped one another as these days go by and I am so grateful to God for growing me up in Him, years in advance........way before this...the hardest thing I have ever encountered ( and there have been many hard things over the years). I thank God for His love, for my family and know that He has a plan for me, but is lovingly allowing me to get through this painful process.

Much more to say, but that's enough for now.

Love, Sandy

Posted: 08/18/2008 at 5:28pm | IP Logged

Sandy, thanks for sharing and I'm sorry for your loss. I haven't lost a spouse but parents--my mom four years ago. One thing about grief is that you tend to be sleepy/tired and your mind is foggy. You don't think clearly and there's a sort of lethargy. One nice thing is that sometimes you'll have a dream wherein the deceased person is so very, very real. You don't want to wake up. A friend of mine who is a widow said that the grief would just sweep up out of now where and bowl her over.

Our society doesn't really know how to allow folks to grieve. They want you to "snap out of it" and join the rest of the world or they want to be cheerleaders and help you move away from the grief. I think there is good grief and not so good grief. I think it's good to allow yourself to go into "survival mode" where you only expect the minimum from yourself and treat yourself kindly.

Posted: 08/19/2008 at 5:03pm | IP Logged

Leslie

I wrote a long post here, last night and my computer froze ........oh, how I could use a new computer!

I don't even remember what all I posted......LOL

When my husband passed on to Glory, a friend's husband was gravely ill and in the hospital. This friend lives many states away from me, but we became close a few years ago, as she began to walk in the Lord.

Today has been a good day for me and for that I give God all the Glory. Not so, for my friend. She called me, sounding very down and said she was worried about me. (Her hubby passed on to Glory just days after mine and she is having a rougher time of it than I am....I guess....I have my good days and my hard days as well)

I am grieving the loss of my "other half".....the man who called me daily from work to tell me how much he loved and appreciated me. He constantly told me that I was a gift from God. he was a very loving and caring husband.

The reason my friend is worried about me is that my hubby was our sole supporter ( our choice).....he was my full time job and I have always been a helper to other family members. My everyday consisted of taking care of hubby's needs, being a homemaker, bookkeeper ( personal). I bought groceries with him in mind, I ran errands for him,that he couldn't ....and so on...... I just plain took care of stuff at home while he brought home the "bacon". I haven't worked for a paycheck in excess of 30 years...My hubby was my 2nd ( but 1st in the Lord) marriage.

It is a conundrum for many reasons, I won't go into detail about here, but I know that I know my Lord will provide for me, lead me and guide me....show me the way I need to go. I have a gut feeling that I will be led into His work fulltime, but for now there are some things I must deal with on the financial level that has this friend worrying about me.

I tried to reassure her not to worry ( Jesus specifically told us not to worry, but to have faith in God).....that I am in the Lord's hands and my trust is solid, in Him.

My dear friend is completely lost without her hubby. I am too, but when I start to feel that overwhelming loss, I cry out to the Lord and He comforts and reassures me.

When a loved one passes on, we can not change that fact. Life does go on. There are times when I go to the post office ( I live in the country), that particular day I may be feeling a bit beside myself. I see people coming and going. Couples walking hand in hand ( as me and hubby did) and know that life goes on, even though at times, I "feel" as if mine stands still.

It's only been 2 month and yet there are times I "feel" like  many people who offered their help and such have just gone on. They don't call. The help they offered is not there....yeah, I get to feeling a little sorry for myself......but I have to snap out of that....by confessing God's word into my life and replacing such negative thoughts with His Words.

I know the Lord is allowing me time to grieve. I know He will take care of me. I know I belong to Him and that He knows me, He knows my heart, He knows how much I rely on Him......I have for a long time and boy, have I been leaning hard on Him since my spouse, my mate, is no longer beside me helping me make the hard decisions and just being my other half. In my home I am now alone ( but I DO have my furry pals)....dinner time is lonely, just sitting on the loveseat without him next to me is so hard. Having him not next to me is so foriegn. He was the kind of husband that wanted me by his side when he was home. I didn't come online, I stayed next to him........yeah, my world has been turned upside down, But God remains the same.....He is my refuge, my fortress, my God in whom I trust.

Snap out of it? Guess that takes awhile and anyone who tries to push that healing to take place too soon is not operating in the Lord's love and compassion.

So many wonderful people who i have contact with are so reassuring and tell me these things take time. If anyone were to tell me now, to snap out of it, I would have to let that roll of my back, out of realization they don't know what this is like and I hope they never have to find out........at least this way,with the many complications involved with my husband's sudden death. I thought we would have many years left together, but one of my husband's sayings kept ringing through me head after he died ...."expect the unexpected". Well, I am the kind of personality that doesn't go around expecting bad stuff........just the opposite. So when something as hard as this happens it is a hard slap in the face. but I will make it, because the Lord is with me.

well, rambled long enough

love, Sandy

Posted: 08/19/2008 at 7:44pm | IP Logged

Sandy, thanks for sharing with me. Don't you hate it when your computer freezes up and there goes your stuff! Gone!

You know your friend might be transferring onto you what she is feeling about her stuff. I'm thinking you're probably in your 50s. Actually, 50s are pretty darn powerful years. Menopause has bought you a new lease on life and things are very different. Many women find themselves again because the kids are grown and they have a new vista open to them. Many begin new careers and paths in life. In your quiet time, you might ask the Holy Spirit to sovereignly lead you to your new career. I don't know if you saw my posting about the baby boomer aging crisis we're in and moving deeper into. I heard a financial guy this weekend say that we are in a perfect storm and there's not getting out. He gave the following factors:

The more income you earned the less social security you'll get. More money and you'll get approx. 4%; less income and you'll get about 25% of what you put in.

Twent years ago there were 175,000 companies with pension plans. Today there are 25,000.

The kids born between 1964-1979 will decide whether they are willing to be taxed additionally to pay for our social security.

If you live to 65, you'll probably live into your 80s and possibly 90s. If you don't make it to 65, well, then you're pretty much dead.

Internationally, financial people are agreeing that annuities that guarantee you'll get out what you put but historically increase about 11-12%/year are a good investment vehicle for retirement.

All of that to say, that later on, you'll want to look at what's going on financially for you and your future. My posting on the senior crisis states that you'll need at least $1 million to grow old with and have healthcare funds. I've been working in the elder care for the last 15 months and I've discovered what a nightmare it will become as our population ages and there is really nothing major in place for the elderly. Used to be old folks moved in with one of the kids, now they mostly don't. So they live on their own until they can't and then they're put into a nursing home. There are good ones but there are some real nightmares out there, too.

Gosh, I hope you're not depressed now. Just something to put on the back burner. Since you've only been a widow for two months, I'd chill if I could. My friend said that she noticed that she was always traveling, leaving home because she couldn't bear to be there. She finally settled down.

If you like to read, you might want to consider Jan Karon and her Mitford series. Very sweet and kind. I've discovered a gal named Anne Perry and she's good. She writes mysteries during the early 1900s. I love to read as do my daughters. Don't have much time right now.

Have you read Ron McGatlin's Kingdom Growth Guides? They're wonderful. Consider them if you're interested in becoming a "Kingdom" person. That's about it for now.

Keep sharing if you like. I'm interested.

Posted: 08/19/2008 at 10:15pm | IP Logged

Leslie, I'm 56

and I have wondered just what annuities are. I was never able to invest and have little at the moment, but it has been sparking my interest for a few years now.....I'm just such a financial dummy......LOL ( frugal, but no financil whiz kid)

Internationally, financial people are agreeing that annuities that guarantee you'll get out what you put but historically increase about 11-12%/year are a good investment vehicle for retirement.

I would love to be able to understand all that.

Consider them if you're interested in becoming a "Kingdom" person. That's about it for now.

ummmmmm, I thought I was a "Kingdom" person.

yes, I have asked the Lord to carry my burden of grief......hey, that's why I am here, that's why I seek His face instead of burying mine in a pillow......if ya KWIM. Bless God, He understands our emotions.....He made us with emotions. Even Jesus wept. I know it's okay to be happy.......I also know it's okay to grieve as long as the grieving process doesn't overtake one's life.

The devil will not take my grief and use it against me. he has no authority over me.

 The joy of the Lord is my strength.

Matt 11:

28."Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

29.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

30.For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I know my husband is happier than ever abiding with the Lord in heaven. And I know that He has a path all laid out for me.

The Lord taught me long ago HOW to FULLY put my trust in Him. He has taught me so much about Him and His fullness. I won't go into detail right now, because the hour is late, but He is my refuge, my fortress, my God in whom I trust.......no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

This may be a valley I go through, but it leads to the mountain top. My victory is in Him, it is not by my strength that I carry on, but His. Inspite of hard sorrowful circumstances, I am a daughter of the Most High God.

Eph 1

3.Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. 4.For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5.he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6.to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. 7.In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace 8.that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

18.I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19.and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, 20.which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms,

You see, I have all confidence in Him. No matter what circumstances surround me, I know that I know, He is my provider, my protector, my EVERYTHING! This life on earth is but a vapor compared to our eternal life.

No, with Jesus all things are possible. I will not be overcome by depression, because to me that would be the opposite of having faith in God. I walk by faith, not by sight.

I will not hide and wish it would just all go away. No, it my greatest desire to walk pleasingly to my King. To serve Him, to testify to others of His goodness, Love and mercy. Every struggle and trial in our life should be used for Spiritual growth. This might slow me down for a season, but it will not stunt my growth.

okay.....it IS getting late. Sure hope I put all that correctly........trying to hurry.

((((((hugs))))))) and love,

Sandy

Posted: 08/20/2008 at 6:39am | IP Logged

Sandy, I wasn't intimating that you aren't a Kingdom person. I was advocating Ron's Kingdom Growth Guides if you haven't read them. They are chock full of good stuff. There is content that would probably help you process what to do with your life as you consider possible employment in the future. Work is good if it is beneficial rather than simply being a means to gain income. Speaking of books, if you haven't read Laurence Lilley's God dream book, you might want to consider that sometime in the future. It is wonderful real and radical! It's a book that should be read several times to savor and digest the contents. As you can see, I'm a huge reader. I've been reading Catholic mystics this year (St. Francis of Assisi aka Frances De Sales, Jean Pierre Caussad, the Desert Mothers). Caussad wrote a book called Abandoned to Divine Providence and he adovocates the concept that we should receive the good and the bad in our lives as gifts from God for our perfection. It settles the question of God "allowing" things, bad things, to happen in our lives. Can it be? Yeah, it can be and if we relax and don't fight the traces we'll see that God is in control and that all things do work together for good to those that love God and are called according to his purposes.

Practically, how are you doing shopping and preparing food for one? How are you sleeping? Are you walking or getting any exercise to get the endorphins running in your body? Do you know about endorphins being created when you exercise? They're lovely chemicals that make us feel good. That's why depressed people should exercise--endorphins start crusing their bodies and they feel good. Mostly depressed folks want to sleep or just sit in a lethargy. Now, I'm not saying your depressed but endorphins are good things! I've read some good articles about exercise preventing cancer as well as being good for your heart and causing good health for longevity. Although after hearing about the financial future of American seniors and the cost of getting old, I'm not sure I want to live to a ripe old age. I was in a lovely nursing home last weekend and it was just awful--all the very old people sitting in wheelchairs like little old fossils. Where are their families!!!? What an awful way to end up--alone in a facility called Happy Land for Senior Campers or the Sweet Life-what's up with that name?! How about Old Geezer's Residential Facility? Land of Aches and Pains?  

Posted: 08/20/2008 at 1:19pm | IP Logged

Yes, Leslie, God is definatley the One in control. He knows the beginning from the end. Since He knows every single hair on our heads, how could we not think He is ultimately the One in control........He's GOD, maker of the universe and all that's in it. If He cares for the sparrow, how much more does He care for us......LOTS and it's not a long distance relationship, either. He knows what we have need of even before we ask.......Yes! God is definately in control.

The first few times I went to the grocery store after the funeral, it was just a shocking experience. I always bought groceries with hubby's like and dislikes in mind. Always finding new things to put in his lunch. Fortunately that wore off quickly. Although the many thoughts still enter my mind in the grocery store, I have had my 9 year old grandson with me during the day ( I have always had someone in the family to take care of. He kept me so busy at the grocery store that I had little time to contemplate. I was kind of lost in the grocery store for awhile, but that seems to be getting better and easier. Although it's very strange and I DO miss making hubby's favorite dishes......there is the other side of the coin. I eat pretty simply and there's not all the fuss at dinner time. It can feel lonely, but I try to look at that other side of the coin. My daughter, SIL and grandson live right next to me and very often she will ask me over for dinner. Our relationship has always been very close and my SIL is a very dear, sweet man.

We live in the country and their house is on the same property as mine......just a stone's throw apart. My husband had dreamt for years to plant an acre of pumpkins. He wanted to use the harvest money to pay off some things and it was just the kind of thing he likes.....He loved operating his tractor. We had it half planted when he died. My family and a couple of friends helped finish most of the planting. We worked out there trying to overcome the weeds, but the rains came and the weeds are just having a ball. My energy level IS a bit low, so not doing as much outdoors as usual....besides it's either raining or too hot. I have always been one to keep pretty much busy with many things and yes, I know the importance of exercise. Even though I am not busting myself in the pumpkin patch ( on BP meds and have to watch my UV exposure.....HAAHAHA, like that really stops me),  do have chickens, 2 horses, ducks and 2 geese to care for.....so I DO get daily exercise......not to mention my grandson. He is back in school now and I actually look forward to a bit of peace and quiet during the day.

I was having a sleep and pain problem, but that has lightened too. When I go to bed, I read my bible and find it so soothing, I drift right off.

Nope, not sitting around feeling so for myself....I am sitting a bit more now, but that will change and it's not because I am feeling sorry for myself, I just find that this process is kind of sapping and I don't push myself beyond my limits yet.

  I make beautiful bowls out of gourds...not the wild kind....the cucurbit family kind......they make splendid containers and are such a ready palate for carving, painting, inlay and such. I haven't had the time in the past year to do this work, but plan to get back into it real soon. I have sold many of my bowls....this work was God directed and it is something I really enjoy doing. I am a creative personality.

This experience has kept me very busy, too with the phone calls and paperwork necessary to settle hubby's affairs. No one is doing it for me.......I know HOW to tackle such things. Not saying it's easy, but I just know HOW to. I still need to finish cleaning out my closet.  there is so much to do after such a life changing expereince.

Leslie, I don't know what I am going to do income wise, but God does. My trust is in Him and I take each moment, each day.........as He leads me.

I will check out Ron's Kingdom growth guides when  get the time and desire to do so.......but as far as being IN the Kingdom......you betcha, I am. For the Kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but joy peace and righteousness in the Holy Spirit. Jesus ushered in His Kingdom and it has not changed......as far as living by Kingdom standards.

love, Sandy

PS: I do, definately appreciate all that you say and look forward to your posts

I still would like to know more about annuities!

Posted: 08/23/2008 at 7:11pm | IP Logged

Leslie, my marriage was good. It had grown as good marriages do. I can't say grieving is EASIER because of that.......but then everyone's experience has it's differences, just as we do as individuals.

One thing is for sure ......God is my provider and I will put my trust fully in Him for provision.

the only reason i shared so much, was that perhaps some other woman facing the same can gain some encouragement. God IS our provider and will guide us in all things as we walk this out.

As for the gourd bowls, I can take no credit. God created me with a creative personality. It was He that led me to these wonderous God made, natural vessels and it was He that gave me many of my design ideas. It was as if, He led me to it, let me get the hang of this art, and then as I went into prayer about them, He gave me design ideas. The gourd bowls I have made that have a Christian theme to them was all from Him.

This is one of my gourd bowls

This was one of hubby's favs.

they can all be seen at ( with more descriptions and sizes )if you would like to see them      http://www.geocities.com/missrs50

it's been over a year since I have made any more, but I fully intend to get back to it very soon.

love, Sandy

Posted: 08/29/2008 at 10:20pm | IP Logged

Okay, now I didn't mean to turn anyone away from this thread by posting a pic of my gourd bowls. I am in no way advertising......shoot, I haven't sat down to make anymore in quite sometime..........that has been put on the backburner.

SOOOOOO, If my posting that pic and link has turned anyone away from this thread, please would one of the moderators or admins just delete that post.

love, Sandy

Posted: 08/31/2008 at 2:36pm | IP Logged

This may not applied to me but I believe that I am in the same place as a widow.  March 25th, 1999, my husband was arrested and taken to prison.  He got a life sentence for a sex crime he commented.  I won't go into detail of this.

But since 1999, I have been on my own.  I feel like a widow.  I have been raising five kids on my own.  And my income alone does not pay everything. Lucky enough my two children receive SSI.  Without this I would not be able to make it.

Things are always tight for me.  Right now I have school taxes to pay of 450 dollars and if I don't pay them I could lose my home.  I do have two yrs before my home would be sold.

After school shoping for the  kids, I won't be able to pay my taxes.  Maybe next month.  I still have to pay my lot rent, electric,phone and other bills.

There are times when I can only pay the bills and it just cost too much to buy clothes and shoes.  I do not have nice clothes to wear to church.  It is very upseting to dress up because nothing matches.  Have you ever watch "what not to wear"  will if anyone would call those people on me most of my clothes would go in the trash.  My clothes are out dated. But there are more important things to take care of then clothes.

These are some of the things that widows go though with children.  I am without a husband.  He is still alive but he isn't my husband anymore.

I liked to believe that I could provide for myself but all the jobs that I have  isn't enough.  It is so hard to find a full time job with benefits.  Most jobs where I am at are part time jobs.  And without a college education, it will be hard to own a house someday on less God makes a way for me.  I live in a three bed room trailer that my dad brought me.  I do own the trailer and I am thankful for the trailer and the van that I drive.

The most important thing is being thankful for what I do have.  But there are times when I am sick of being the only one to be the bread winner. 

Posted: 09/01/2008 at 10:17am | IP Logged

Pam, you have been left to raise children yourself, with no husband and your situation must be very hard.....one can not compare their grief whether it be from sudden death loss, lingering illness loss or sudden loss of a husband in any way regardless of the circumstances. Each case is different, but just as hard.

You are husbandless and your children are fatherless......right? What did Jesus say about that?

He said He would be a husband to the husbandless and a Father to the fatherless.

Honey, I hope you are not relying on your own abilities to provide for your family. God said He would provide for all your needs according to His riches in Glory.

Jesus said, "Seek first the Kingdom of God ( his ways of doing things) and THEN all these things would be added unto you.

So put your trust fully in the Lord. Take all your needs to Him and lay them at the foot of the cross. Rely fully on the Lord to take care of you and your children. You are doing all you know to do, right?......well, LET God do the rest!

I say this in much love and compassion because I have had to do the same. I am an older widow who children are grown, but my husband was the sole provider ( as far as in the natural.....he brought home the paycheck).......But I have learned to lean fully on the Lord as my provider and good thing he taught me this. It's been such a comfort at such a time as this. My husband has been in Glory little over 2 months now and I am not stressing over my future financial welfare......I am standing hard and fast on His promises. Read Duet 28 sometime......it's very encouraging. I have read it and repeated it many many times.......then of course there is in Matt where Jesus says we are not  to worry but have faith in God ( my condensed version) ....find these scriptures of promise, repeat them outloud and believe it with all your heart. Pray according to this and know that God's Word will NOT return void.

You will not only gain peace by doing this, but it gives the Lord something to work with when we totally have faith in Him. We can not always "see" what He is doing, but I guarantee, when we pray, believing.....our gracious God goes to work on our behalf and you WILL see His Glory at work in your life.

((((((((hugs))))))))))

love, Sandy

Posted: 09/02/2008 at 6:59pm | IP Logged

Sandy,

I just skimmed through this thread. In a sense, I'm a widow. I was married at 16 and divorced at 21. Didn't get saved till I was 34. Am now 62. Haven't remarried.

My ex-husband died 4 years ago. So, that makes me a widow.

If I can be of help to you, sweet sister, regarding what you're experiencing, please let me know. ((((Sandy)))) - cyberhugs for you.

With love,

Ann

Posted: 09/03/2008 at 3:05pm | IP Logged

Ann, I have tried several times to post a response to you, but twice now after writing a long response my dinosaur computer froze up.......so I'll make this one short.

After having the same man in my life for 25 years and being tragically killed on his way home from work......I am struggling with the pain of his absence. Aside from my time with the Lord, my days were filled with taking care of my dear hubby's needs. Practically everything I DID revolved around him..........so guess I am still in shock at not having to do those things, trying to figure out what to eat and what to do with myself.

Yes, I DO spend time with the Lord. I LOVE the Lord.

Since our kids are grown with families of their own, he and I were the only ones in the house.........now it's just me. Very strange, very shocking and right now, after all the flurry of paperwork, phone calls, affairs to settle ( more to do, but the majority done) I have this great sadness in me. I find myself crying at the mundane things of everyday life. I still run into aquaintances ( people we have known over the 20 years we have lived in this small community) that don't know and ask how he is.

I am in a sad place........not depressed......depression would be a sure sign ( to me) of not trusting God.....so no, I am not depressed........I am sad.

There is still much to work out in my life........like supporting myself. But God knows the plans He has for me.

Thank you for your helping hand offer.

love, Sandy

Posted: 09/03/2008 at 3:42pm | IP Logged

Sandy,

I can only imagine some of what you're going through. What I hadn't mentioned on the other thread was about my former live-in b/f (that was before I was saved of course). My life had revolved around him. When he died of an overdose of heroin, I was at a loss of what to do with my life. So, I somewhat understand what you're experienced.

What I did was to return home to my mother's house rather than living alone. We began to get to know each other better. When I was a child, we really never knew one another.

Since you mentioned your need to try and figure out what to eat as being one of the things that's different now, you may want to begin to study on nutrition. Eating lots of fruits and vegetables is good for us. You may want to begin to explore the store to find some new varieties, things you may have overlooked before and try them.

You are understandably going through a huge lifestyle change. Now might be the time for you to think about some things that you might like to do, things that you had previously not thought about as you were busy taking care of his needs.

Another thing that helps tremendously is to write things down on paper and then read what you wrote. That helps us get in touch with what's inside of us. It's great therapy, getting things "off our chest," so to speak. You could start with a "Dear God" letter. I used to write lots of them. Then, I found that as I was writing them, He would begin to give me the answers I wanted.

Writing helps to quiet the soul and allows us to think more clearly.

What you went through doesn't make sense, but God understands that. He is our Comforter, our Encourager, and our Strengthener and He hasn't left us, even though at times it may feel like it.

With love,

Ann

Posted: 09/03/2008 at 9:19pm | IP Logged

Ann, I do write........I write A LOT!

I don't know if I mentioned it, but when I found out my husband was dead ( well, he's very much alive with the Lord right now) but his earthly vessel to be here and hug me no more, I tangibly felt the Lord wrap me in His Love .......I mean it was like a huge blanket of Love. He whispered "I am here, I will take care of you"........and so much more.

Although this pain makes it hard to concentrate on studying my bible as I did, I do read scriptures and have conversations with the Lord. It is truly His strength that has carried me through all the hard stuff.

I DO try to eat right and I DO like to try new things.....it's just hard to get past the dinnertime thing, but I will.....I'm eating.....it's just all so new.

I am at a point, I am embarrassed to say, but hey we are to confess one to another..........that I find myself turning on the tv just for the noise of it.....does that make sense. Yes, I listen to praise music, daily.....but this sadness is something that I just want to drown out with brain candy ( as it were).....does that make sense?

I know this too shall pass, as it is my greatest desire to please our King.........I just dont "feel" too pleasing right now, inspite of the fact that I am constantly telling Him how much I love Him, leaning on Him with every decision, etc.........I just "feel" as if I should be doing more for His Kingdom and yet this sadness is a bit overwhelming at this very point.

Thank you both for your encouragement, it does help greatly.

Gayle, thank you for your enormously encouraging words and prayers. I know there is something special in my near future ( hope very near, I really do desire to get past this and spend the rest of my life serving God in a way that truly glorifies HIM)

Thank you again ladies, thank you so much!

(((((hugs)))))))

love, Sandy

, I sure hope all that made sense!

Posted: 09/03/2008 at 9:31pm | IP Logged

Sandy, my precious Sister, you are in a very sensitve place as your heart is being healed by HOLY ONE. The sadness you are experincing is our PAPA'S heart wanting HIS kids to come to HIM and leave the striving mess of this world  for good-period. HIS Words, "Come to ME and I will give you rest," are resonating throughout ALL of creation!  I pray you understand this, and will let HIM know HIS JOY is your strength, every moment of every day. Love you ALL-prayin' & decreein' & rejoicin'-HALLELUJAH TO KING JESUS!!!

Posted: 09/04/2008 at 7:52am | IP Logged

Good morning, Sandy.

Yes, what you wrote makes sense. I love it that the Lord wrapped His arms around you. He has done the same for me, on many occasions. There is nothing like like love!!

When you're ready, perhaps think about a different plan for that particular time of the day (dinnertime). Ask the Lord in advance what to do with that time slot, and He will give you something to make your heart sing. He's good at that.

Verses that have helped me a lot with what I've experienced are Philippians 3:13-14 and 2 Corinthians 5:17. Quoting them in the first person singular is what I do. Actually, with the verse in Philippians, it's already in the first person singular.

Know that you are loved, not only by Him, but also by us.

Ann

Posted: 09/04/2008 at 8:25am | IP Logged

Oh, yeah, when I pray, it's according to His will and quote scriptures putting first person in there.

I can't find a pen ( there's usually one in this room where my computer is) but am signing off and will just keep this page on, so I can look up those scriptures. I probably know them, but brain isn't working right now.

I was around my SIL who had a virus this weekend....need I say more, BUT......inspite of the symptomatic facts, I will stand on His Truth!

I AM the healed of God!

Thank you so much for your love and prayers......much, much appreciated.

love, Sandy