Posted: 09/17/2008 at 2:43am | IP Logged

Hi,

I thought I had the gift of singleness, being extremely happy and content, even shunning the thought of marriage, as you say Alicia.  But then a yearning for intimacy and a desire to grow in loving another human being came upon me following some intense inner-healing a couple of years ago.

Since then I have been involved in an intimate human relationship, nearly getting married, but which went disaterously wrong, I guess due to the very reasons Larry has highlighted in the scriptures.

I'm now left wondering whether the longing for a husband which was stirred in me, was actually the longing for the love of "The Husband" Jesus.

My view of marriage is also changing from being about what we receive, to being about what we are required to give, especially in difficult times.  

Life is pretty easy as a single person, especially as I'm increasingly getting to trust the Lord for all things.  It's a delightful life of adventure and growing trust.

I see friends who are married who are hindered in this way of just being able to step out in response to the Lord's calling, because of having to consult their spouse (who more often than not is not in the same place of trust in the Lord).

I look at how much I have changed since becoming a Christian and I wonder if it would be possible to continue to enjoy unhindered growth whilst being married. 

I know that much of that growth is to do with loving others and that marriage provides a wonderful setting for being able to grow in love.  But there is so much more.  I mean things like learning to trust Jesus completely with our finances, a subject which seems to cause contention in many marriages I've seen.

In response to what I believe is Jesus' call to trust Him, I have lived on my own in a tent on the mountainside for 5 months.  I now live a hand-to-mouth existence, trusting God on a daily basis to provide everything I need including the work I need to be able to pay my way.  These are just a couple of examples of how, as single person I've been able to step out in faith...and my trust has been sooo rewarded! 

I wonder if it could be possible to continue in such adventures into the ways of the Kingdom if I were married???

I can see a conflict, after all marriage is about giving your life to serve the other isn't it? ...and in terms of a wife to a husband, according to Paul, it's about submitting to your husband's will and leading, even if it doesn't match up with God's.

Posted: 09/17/2008 at 7:38am | IP Logged

Hi Larry,

Another thought that I want to add is regarding the faith of one's spouse.

We are aware that many false doctrines have infiltrated the church and  all here seem to be in the process of being de-programmed in many ways.  But what about having a spouse, or more significantly for the women here, a husband, who is insisting that you submit to a false doctrine he may be holding to.  This may of course not become apparent until after the marriage commitment is entered into.

I just wonder how difficult it might be to seriously pursue God in your own life, yet be bonded, in a covenantal relationship, to someone not seriously walking with God, more especially in the case of women who take Paul's words regarding submission to the husband as their head seriously?

Much food for thought here.

Love Mandy

Posted: 09/18/2008 at 2:51am | IP Logged

Hi Larry,

Thanks for your reply.  Still not a good position to get yourself into though eh? 

I would like to ask those who are married:   if they could go back and start all over again, would they still do it, knowing what they do now?

Love Mandy

Posted: 09/18/2008 at 8:35am | IP Logged

Larry,

As I read what you wrote in response to Mandy's question about whether or not you'd do it again, a couple of thoughts came to mind to share with you regarding it.

One: When either you or Corinne are dealing with issues related to your children, THAT is your ministry. You mentioned that your focus was not then on the Lord regarding the meetings. However, if your focus was on the Lord during the time of counsel for the children, that too is ministry.

Two: Paul said to be content regardless of whether or not a person is married. So, it's not a matter of whether or not a person is married. It's a matter of whether or not the person is doing what God says.

Being married is a different calling than being single and yes, there are distractions that come from being married that a single person doesn't experience. However, both are callings from God, just different. If a married person is doing what the Lord is showing them to please their spouse, then God is pleased with that. At least, that's my understanding of how that is to work.

If you weren't married, you might not be even doing the meetings you're doing now. For some reason, it seems to be almost an unwritten rule that a person has to be married in order to get certain invitations to speak. In addition to that, you have a "live in" prayer partner.

Love,

Ann

Posted: 09/18/2008 at 10:30am | IP Logged

Amen, Jess. I too have a God-given desire to be married. Mine is for the sake of the ministry that we will be doing together.

Ann

Posted: 09/18/2008 at 11:43am | IP Logged

Larry,

As a single person, I too have distractions...phone ringing wanting my attention and things to do, errands to run, etc. I think it's all a matter of perspective. I know that Paul spoke of the need to try and please a spouse, if married, and it taking away some of the attention that could otherwise be devoted to the Lord.

There are pro's and con's to both types of relationships (single or married). I heard it once said that singles are sad and marrieds are mad. Too often, that's the case. However, God wants us glad, not mad or sad.

Yes, Larry, in the 1950s, things were very different than they are now. That's for sure. I spoke on the phone earlier with a friend who just started home schooling her 15 year old son. She'd said that to purchase the curriculum for the year was $1000. A lot of folks, especially in metropolises where NY is, can't afford such things. They are then forced to send their children into the public school system.

As a child, I went to a Catholic school. We had to wear uniforms, which I hated. I finally convinced my parents to allow me into a public school when I had just started the 10th grade. Well, I found out what it's like there, as I was outside my realm of understanding and got into trouble, dropping out of school halfway through the 11th grade and finishing high school later through night classes.

If only we could go back and do things over, I'd surely do things differently. I'd surely never have married the man I did when I was 16, not ever. He was not only an atheist, but also a communist, his parents being registered members fo the communist party of the U.S. What mind games there were coming from my husband toward me! I thank God that those days are over and that John made it into heaven by the "skin of his teeth" on his deathbed 4 years ago.

Ann

Posted: 09/18/2008 at 1:16pm | IP Logged

It is not wrong to be attracted to the opposite sex or want to get married.  The sin is not seeking God about your mate and running a head and marring the wrong person.

It is better to be single then to marry the wrong one.

Posted: 09/19/2008 at 2:36am | IP Logged

I can see that serving your spouse and family can be the same as serving God, and I guess this is what Paul was getting at.  I suppose it depends what you feel called to do with your life, and Paul mentions that too.

I think of someone like Todd Bentley (apart from the recent stuff) and how difficult it must be to try and balance his committment to his family and the fervent desire in his heart to serve the Lord in ministry.  How on earth do you deal with that well?  There has got to be a conflict of interests. If you've got a family, you've got responsibilities and you can't get away from that.

Yes, I think the ideal thing would be to have a husband to work together with, but I'm very aware of the potential problems this could lead to as mentioned above.

I have the same sort of desire as you Ann to take Jesus out onto the streets. Although I do it to a small extent, I feel quite inadequate on my own.  I don't have a church to take people to and I've not found anyone around here with the same desire yet to team up with, so I'm a bit reluctant to go for it like you have. I've been praying for nearly a year now for a work-mate, but still waiting.

Love Mandy

Posted: 09/19/2008 at 9:16am | IP Logged

Mandy,

I understand what you mean about not having a church to bring people to. That has, at times, bothered me as well. In fact, what I understood recently that now that I'm back at a church I attended 6 years ago, I'm now back into evangelism...not just on the streets but next month, I begin preaching again at the mission. I only preached at this particular mission one time and it was also as I was at this same church.

When I go to the streets, in this season, the only thing I've been doing is putting tracts on car windshields...and only as the Holy Spirit has led me to do. If I was to go out to look for people to talk to on the streets, I would probably need another person to be with me. Since I don't have another person to be with me in this season, I don't do that.

There are people here in this region who are going out to the streets, but their form of ministry is not the same as mine. Unless I can find another person or a team of people with whom I can flow in ministry, I won't go with them in doing it the way they do.

Also, in this season, I'm so busy with so many other ventures for the Lord, I haven't had time to think about finding another person to go to the streets with me. I've been told about a team that goes downtown, and I do have an email address for them, but haven't gotten to writing to them yet.

Since this thread is talking about being married or not, I'll add this. I'm 62, so whether or not to have children is of course not an issue with me. If/when I marry, I would hope to marry a man who has no children. Then, the concern for caring for them would not be there for us.

Ann

Posted: 09/20/2008 at 1:17am | IP Logged

Hi Ann,

I don't really want to distract from what this thread was originally about, but just to say briefly, in agreement with you, that if we're going to go out to preach the message of the Kingdom and heal the sick, cast out demons etc. (in line with the great commission), then we shouldn't be going on our own.  Granted there is stuff we can do on our own, as you are doing, and bless you for doing so.  And of course just being out and about being a witness of Christ amongst people can speak volumes, even if we can't do much else.

Love Mandy

Posted: 10/01/2008 at 3:03am | IP Logged

Hi Jess,

You're not alone in this.

Once we've decided to give ourselves to Jesus in this way, all sorts of opposing thoughts and feelings can come over us.  I think it's only by coming to really know Jesus, that these other longings will cease to bother us. 

I keep praying to know Him more.  I mean to know what He's really like.  To be able to grasp how much He loves me. (see Paul's prayers for the Ephesians in chapters 1 & 3)

I pray this for you too Jess.

Love Mandy

Posted: 10/01/2008 at 9:33am | IP Logged

Jess,

For me, wanting to get married was an obsession and this may be the case also for you. Although I, like Lisa, was called by God to some day be married (in my case, this call was 28 years ago and I'm still single), I tried to "help God" out and several times tried to marry the wrong man.

I think what He wants us to do is to simply rest in Him and let Him bring us together with who He has for us and in His timing. In other words, trust Him and be busy about the business of the Kingdom. Then, when the time is right, He will bring us the one He's planned for us.

This waiting thing has probably been the hardest thing ever. However, it beats the alternative (that of birthing my own "Ishmael"). I don't know why some things take so long, but I do know that who I might have wanted to marry many years ago in the condition I was in at the time wouldn't have been God's best for me.

He has had to do a lot of work on me in preparation for a godly man to marry and it also takes time for God to prepare the man for me. Long ago, a married man suggested that I pray for this preparation; that is, for the Lord to prepare the man for me and me for him. I did that and have prayed that more than once.

When it does happen, it'll appear to be a "suddenly" (as that was prophesied to me in 1988). I had to get to the point where it no longer matters whether I'm single or married. I just want to serve the Lord.

Hope these words help at least a little. What God is looking for in us is to surrender ALL of our desires to Him, and then simply delight ourselves in Him. He said that He'd then give us the desires of our hearts (these are then His desires, and not our own)...Psalm 37:4.

Love,

Ann

Posted: 10/02/2008 at 2:37am | IP Logged

Ann said:

He has had to do a lot of work on me in preparation for a godly man to marry and it also takes time for God to prepare the man for me. Long ago, a married man suggested that I pray for this preparation; that is, for the Lord to prepare the man for me and me for him.  I did that and have prayed that more than once.

...and with God going to work on fulfilling this prayer, its enough to keep you busy until such a time as the prepared man comes along.

It makes us nicer people to be around anyway (more Christ-like) which is God's desire for us whether we are married or not.

Whichever way, it's a win/win situation. 

Love Mandy

Posted: 10/02/2008 at 8:41am | IP Logged

Yes, Mandy, spending time with God does make us nicer people to be around, more Christ-like as you say.

If we're irritated or upset because we don't have a certain need met, or desire fulfilled, in our lives, thinking that another person can meet those needs or desires; we'll most likely drive them away from us rather than attracting them to us. If we're looking to a man for love rather than to God for it, we could be draining the person who is only human. God is love, and when we're looking to be loved, we need to go right to the Source.

Ann 

Posted: 10/03/2008 at 2:47am | IP Logged

Larry & Gayle,

Thanks for reminding us of the "good" stuff.

Love Mandy