I like to share something from Marsha Burns and the reason why is because this message speaks to me and my life. It has to do with how I have been feeling lately.

January 15, 2009

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns: www.ft111.com

Beloved, I have not called you to learn the doctrines of men. I have called you to allow My Spirit to reveal the truth of My Word. Do not be distracted with the trappings of religious exercise, but rather seek to know Me. If you will seek Me with all of your heart, you will find Me, says the Lord. But, it will take some effort on your part to break through and rise above your emotions and thoughts into the realm of the Spirit.

John 4:24 God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.

Jeremiah 24:7 Then I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the LORD; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God, for they shall return to Me with their whole heart.

I just feel this message speaks to me and my life. I grew up in a very strict home with a very strict father. My dad is very jugemental and he can be very harsh in his words of correction. Even though I am 43 yrs old, my dad will still call me up to correct me and reprove me. He says things that I feel are not true about God. Like for example. He tells me that God is mad at me and the reason why life is so hard for me is because God is punishing me for not obeying him in my adult life. He tells me this a lot. But what angries me the most is he never sees the wrongs he does to others.

Once he take us to get ice cream and my daughter couldn't eat all her ice cream so he tells her that God is going to strick her died for wasting ice cream that he brought. I told him that God isn't anything like this. I believe my dad's picture of God is this angry God ready to punish anyone who misses up. My ideal of God is a loving forgiving father who loves His children unconditionly.

My dad is actually the angry father ready to punish. He is always calling me up chrewing me out about things and I am starting to not want to answer his phone calls anymore. You just never know when he is mad and upset over something so petty.

My Dad will use my Christian faith against me to control me. For example the moment I decide to stand up for myself, he calls me selfish. And being the good Christian that I want to be, I don't want to be selfish so I give into him and other family members. I am starting to get sick of this.

Lately I have been very withdrawn not wanting to be around anyone because I am so tired of being judge and put down by family members. I try my best to do what is right but they can only see when I screw things up.

I often wondered if I was of a different religion if they could use my own faith against me the way they do.

Going back to Marsha's message. I feel I need to take this message seriously and really seek the truth for myself. Find out what is truth verses lies that other Christians have told me about God that just wasn't true.

So I thought of reading the Bible over again and really seeking out what it is saying to me. Really seek God on what His thoughts are about different doctrines and truths. I really believe that I was feed some false teaching along with truth. And it is going to take time to sort though what is true and what isn't.