Posted: 11/26/2008 at 10:44am | IP Logged

I have a friend who is unhappy married.  The reason is the wife will not have sex with him.  He is lucky to get sex once or twice a yr.  She is also not a very good wife when it comes to keeping the house clean and many other things.  She always wants to hang out with the girls instead of my friend.  He is sexually frustrated in his marriage and would love to have children but she will not give him sex.

I like to know what kind of advice I could give my friend.  I know the Bible says if a spouse commits adultery you can divorce. What about if a spouse will not give you sex can you divorce then?

Posted: 11/28/2008 at 8:14am | IP Logged

Hi Pam,

It sounds like the man is the friend and its the man who you want to give advice to.  Correct me if I'm wrong.

But if this is the case, I would ask why a married man is discussing his marital problems with a single woman, who is desperate for a husband herself.

Sounds like a potentially risky situation to be in Pam. 

Love Mandy

Posted: 11/28/2008 at 1:39pm | IP Logged

Pamela,

When Mandy asked you why a married man was discussing his marital problems with a woman, that would also apply to your female friend. Why is he discussing his problems with her? And if he is doing that, why is she then discussing that with you?

There is nothing in the Bible that says that divorce can be for that purpose you mentioned.

Ann

Posted: 11/29/2008 at 1:43am | IP Logged

This is my conclusion too.

I would advise him to seek advice from a spiritually mature, happily married man or couple.  Or try  to find a specially equipped marital counselling service or Christian ministry who will advise him, if he cannot resolve things directly with his wife.

Love Mandy

Posted: 11/29/2008 at 9:51am | IP Logged

He has already talked to people at his church and they say to stay. 

So if a woman is getting her face beat in everyday of her life by her husband she has to stay married if her husband isn't cheating on her? There are some women who are killed by their husbands staying.

 And if a man wants children and his wife will not give him sex and pushes him away all the time, he has to stay married to her? What about separation until she decides to be a good wife? 

Posted: 11/29/2008 at 10:11am | IP Logged

Here is an article I just read on the subject.

http://christiandivorce.1hwy.com/

Posted: 11/29/2008 at 12:29pm | IP Logged

Pamela,

If someone is being physically abused, they should separate.

The man whose wife is not being submissive to him should probably fast and pray. As God changes his heart, then perhaps He will also change hers.

I've noticed that in many of your posts, you seem to be preoccupied with sex. You might want to take that to the Lord and have Him change your heart (since out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, or in this case, the fingers type).

Love,

Ann

Posted: 12/01/2008 at 5:01am | IP Logged

The question I would ask is:

Is your friend seeking to please the Spirit or the flesh?

Regarding pleasing the Spirit:

When man and woman marry it's for life.  The vow is "til death do us part".  This vow is made voluntarily, not conditional upon the other person keeping their part.  Gos said "what God has joined together let man not separate".  That's His will simple and clear.  Marriage is representative of God's covenant with the church.  The husband in a marriage is meant to treat his wife as Christ is with the church.  Jesus gave up His life for His Bride.  He gave up His rights in order to serve her.  The Bride then responds in devotional love to His love for her.  A husband is meant to do the same.  The surrendered life does not think of its own rights, but how it can serve those entrusted to their care.  However, Paul said that if a man does leave his wife he should stay single or otherwise be reconciled to his wife.  So what would your friend gain by leaving her?

Alternatively, if you want to please the flesh, you can bend scripture to justify just about anything if you have a mind to do so.

Love Mandy

Posted: 12/01/2008 at 1:40pm | IP Logged

I talked to him the other day and he pretty much told me he is going to stay with her because he doesn't believe in divorce.  I pretty much told him that I wasn't going to tell him to get a divorce that the only reason for divorce is adultery.

I have to say that he is a very commited guy because he told me he isn't planing on leaving her that he is going to stay with her.  He is just frustrated that is all.  Just pray for him and pray for his wife.  She has a lot of health problems.

Posted: 12/02/2008 at 1:44am | IP Logged

Health problems can often be the cause of lack of desire for sex.

Posted: 12/02/2008 at 3:48pm | IP Logged

I am glad you said this Larry because now I can repost my old post again since you are in agreement with my old post.  A spouse is supose to love his or her spouse and not let lust take over.  Even though sex is a gift in marriage it can still become a lustful thing in marriage if we put lust first instead of love in a marriage. God should always be first, and love for our spouse second not lust.  There are times when a married couple has to abstrain from sex such as after child birth, during a woman's period and in some cases if the couple practices natural family planning they have to abstrain during the fertile times of the month to avoid a pregnancy and also during the times of fasting and prayer.

I Corinthians explains it very well that the husband's body belongs to the wife and the wife's body belongs to the husband.  They are not to deprave one another but for a time of fasting and prayer and then they must come together.

So there are times when a married couple needs to fast sex to pray, for health reasons ect.  If a marriage is based on sex then the marriage will fall but if it is based on Jesus Christ the marriage will stand and things will be in balance.

Posted: 12/03/2008 at 8:27am | IP Logged

I guess marriage is the best context in which to practice death of self!