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Encountering Life's Issues - Is there a God? Is God real? Forum : Encountering Life's Issues - Is there a God? Is God real?
Subject Topic: My Passion - Sarah Ann Dees Post Reply Post New Topic
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Posted: 12/10/2010 at 2:31pm | IP Logged Quote Moderator

Sarah Ann Dees

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Posted: 12/09/2010 at 10:12pm  


God is my passion.  My father died in vietnam when I was almost 4, my sister was 11 hours old.  My mother checked out and took her anger out on the loss of my father on me.  She saw my sister as her gift from God, I was a painful reminder of him.  She was angry at God and seemed angry at me.  She was new modern woman.  My sister and I were with baby sitters most of the time.  I remember holding my arms up at night asking God if He would be my father and if so, I needed HIm to hold me.  I would drop my arms only after holding them up until my arms were too tired.  I was terrified of the dark, but my mother would rarely comfort me, and mostly angry when I was afraid.  She remarried twice.  The second time, her husband, was a drinker..and when my Grandmother died, and I recieved some money , at 14 went to boarding school at my own request.  There I was bullied, because I had no self-esteem!  I shared with a friend the bullying incident, I asked her not to tell.  She told her mother, the mother told the school and there was a great division in the dorm as to who side who was on. Eventually, she was kicked out for stealing money and the headmistres said I could not stay unless i went to counseling.  I was thrilled...finally someone to talk too.  I was later suspended for two weeks for drinking...I started drinking at boarding school and bulimia.  My mother took my sister and I and my step-father to the ranch.  She went into town to mail a letter I wrote my friend.  She read it.  Did not mail it, but made me read out-loud infront of the family.  It simply said I thougth my mother was B..h and my Step father a B..d.  She then said  was incapable of loving, and my step-father said I belonged in a psych ward.  I called my counselor in tears.  Then right after my mother recieved a call from a woman she went to HS with.  She had not spoken to her in twenty years.  She said Sally, are youi having family problems, my mother was so did you know.. she replied that God had placed it on her heart to call and that she could not brush off the urgency any longer. She told my mother that God wanted her to know that everything would be ok and that this was part of His plan.   She was a born again believe and that weekend was a mother and daughter womens Aglow retreat.  My mother and sister and i went.  I went back to boarding school, got lead in school play, made better grades and even was invited back.  I did not go back.. Moved a mid sized town.  We did not attend church regularly and were dysfunctioanl.  I continued with bullimia off and on.  School started..10 grade and began drinking ..I could not control my drinking.  My mother and stepfather watched the 700 club everynight, but were unhappy and very unspiritual.  There was no sign of the Spirit in our home.  He said I was a liar and God hated liars and God hated me, my mother sat by in approval.  I wrote a story in creative writing one year about a girl that had a baby out of wed lock.  My friend thought it was such a good story, that I should read it to my mother.  I did, then the next day she left a letter in bathroon stating that she knew i had an abortion, I immediatley went to tell her she was wrong, that I had never even had sex.  She said basically that i was lying.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the frustration.  So, a few months later, I did have sex, I was 17, and came home and told my mother, now I have had sex.  I went upstairs and she followed me with a bible and told me that I had fornicated and better repent.  My senior year I asked to go to cousneling,  I told my mother I could not stop being bullimic.  THe counselor thought maybe my idea of going to school half and a day and working half a day to get out of the house might be good.  He wanted to meet with the family.  Again, my stepfather said I was just bullshit, just plain bullship and my mother sat in approval.  I got a job and moved out.  Soon parties were happening at our place...I had sex with a boy that really just used me..I felt so degraded that I took about thirty muscle relaxers and tequila.  I feel asleep and was surprised I woke up alive...but then horrible horrible halllucinations happened.  That evening two guy friends came by.  I told one what had happened.  He said he would take me to chuch that Sunday..he did.  It was a charasmatic church.  During the service a man in front of me had a word of knowledge and said "YOu have not chosen God, but God has chosen you to bear good fruit that will last".  I knew it was good to get a word from the LOrd.  I had the year before when at that years retreat, a prophetic woman, held my hand and said God know your pain.  My heart broke when I heard that.  She went on to give me a prophecy, that probably kept me a live through many things.  The two young men friends that came by  that night..both died consective years later on the same date.  One of them was my boyfreind a few years later and committed sucicde.  He came from a prominent family and I was..though I really had no identity in that regards.  My passion has been to help people and follow Jesus and His teachings.  I have known profound pain, I was a teenage alcohlic, and drug addict.  By Gods Grace I have been clean and sober since before 21.  I have been free from bullimia ( I'm talking taking 160 exlas at a time)  since I as about 24.  I have been freed from smoking 2 packs a day for about 11 years.  I am just now beining to heal from emotionally crippling rejection.  I have totally bought into help others worse off than you as they way to victory.  I very much regret sexual sin and ungodly soul ties.  I think sexual sin is very serious and harmful to our souls.  I was married and divorced from a rageful alcoholic and I am now married to a good man..not with out our struggles, but finally we are on terra firma and Jesus Christ gets all the credit.   It has been painful to experience some rejection or jealousy from people who I thought would be happy for an underdog .  We give alot and our live style is centered on God, church and our family.  We just moved to the town we live in now.  Where we lived was tough spiritually, I think, Las Cruces, NM.  I know I at least went on 4or 5 three day fasts our two years there, and that is with three young children.  my husband is an er doctor and I often am raising the children alone..and going to church alone..yet we ALWAYS get there.  I have had no support from extended family or friends..I have been too isloated within to make friends..I have tried to make friends with women on a spiritual level, but often I rejected..I know it is jealousy or, I don't always feel comfortable with women whose husbands are docs..because of my very difficlut past.  I KNOW where my strength and my hope come from.  I do have a master in couneslign and have been on journey the past two years to heal through prayer.  Francis McNutt, from Christian Healing ministries, is a Charasmatic Catholic, and HE loves the Holy Spirit and has a GREAT ministry.  Mark Pearson, a Canon in the Charasmatic Espiscopal Chruch, has Great healing ministry.  He was initially with the Episcopal Church.  He went to Oxfor and the former to Harvard.  They LOVE the HOLY SPIRIT.  Relilgion is not the same thing as relationship, but it can set a standard or become an avenue of conecting.  People like ritual.  If you approach The Lords Super with the identified prayers intentional in your heart The Holy Spirit is there.  It is only when we say these things in a route manner.  Religion can be a rope across a slippery slope ...but in and of itself it is useless.. I agree!  But, it is not black or white.  I think fire in a fire place is good.    God did give me a hug.  I was 18, the first person in my HS to ever go to treatment, I was in my room and held up my hands to praise God, and I felt a warmth go through me, and I opened up my eyes and a brilliant light enveloped me, I got scared and ran out of the room!  But I knew that I knew God cared enough to show me He was really there and how I needed that!  I could on and on...but God is my passion.  WE must work out our salvation with fear and trembling.

Sarah Dees

Edited by Moderator on 12/10/2010 at 2:32pm
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Stacey Yerian
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Posted: 12/14/2010 at 6:18am | IP Logged Quote Stacey Yerian

Thank you for sharing your passion with us Sarah. 

From glory to glory,
Anastasia Lee

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Bill Evans
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Posted: 12/14/2010 at 7:20am | IP Logged Quote Bill Evans

Sarah God Bless You

Bill Evans       &n bsp;         &n bsp;         &n bsp;     
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Sarah Ann Dees
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Posted: 12/14/2010 at 6:29pm | IP Logged Quote Sarah Ann Dees

Thank you for being so precious!

Sarah Dees
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