Posted: 07/18/2007 at 9:10am | IP Logged

Hi my name is halimah kennedy i am 28 years old, and i want to know if i am decieved or not. I hope noone i know reads this - realy. i am reaching out and i need help. i do not have mentors and i have never been decipled, i do not have any signifigant relationships with older women in church. But i love God's word and i do not practice sin. Sin is not my issue. PLEASE CONTINUE READING!!

MY parents are dead so are my grandmothers my two sisters are unsaved, have children and/or married. I am lonely. Now. i fell in love with jesus and never thought about marriage. I am a child out of wetlock. i was planning on being single throughout my life. one day at a church service a visiting prophet said i was going to be married and the marriage was going to last. Woopdie doo. Here is the reason i am writing in. PLEASE CONTINUE READING!!

I was online listening to christian rap, i use to be against it but somehow i wanted to see what was out there  - so i went online clicked on everylink and listened to every song i could find. . i came a cross a christian rap song that captuerd me, this guy, i cannot put into words how impressed i was by his music - the word of God flowing through him, his gift. This man inspired awe in me. I wanted to know who he was. i ordered the Cd. As i was listening to this Cd... Idont know.... i was absorbed... i was taken into it.. i cant word it right now. I asked My father in heaven: who is this man?.... Anyway, this man had a website. I went to the site, there was an area you can post messages. i loged on and post my firts message. then i went to the record labels site, there was an area that you could discuss the artist every artist had there own section. and the artist actually checked in. to respond to some of the questions and comment.

While in my apartment that night about 2am something came over me. I began to write: why he needs a wife like me. I tell you the truth i have never written like this before, i m not that creative. any way i went to site and posted the message, this was a bold move. The message was removed. To make a long story short it, leaving postings on his site bacame a habit i would express my feelings toward him in a modest apropriate way. he did not remove my messages, though they were very bold. i left no room for confusion he knew why i was there. i was presenting myself as a posiible mate. My letters were designed to demand his attention.  Then next thing you know women began sending me emails - stating that this was not a way for a woman of God to behave, stop pursuing him - and by the way, did you know that he is engaged to be married? WHAT!! ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED!!! i placed my hand over my mouth in utter shock. I ran to My father. i believed the lord was leading me to do this, to send these messages. i mean.... after all, the messages werent moved. As i prayed the lord said he rather walk by site than walk by faith ( i believe the lord said that) and then the lord impressed on my heart if he did not contact me himself, basically saying thanks but no thanks. do not listen to the emails.

Here is the bad part. I became completely over whelmed by this entire situation. (he is actually engaged to be married). I sent him a personal message asking him: is he getting married, i know he knows who i am, why is he keeping my messages on his site, and to let me know so i can go on with my life. He did not respond. so i went to the record label message board i know he enter acts there. I loged on. during one of my posting I  i boldly stated i had a  huge crush on him and how he has moist succulent lips, and they would get along well with my two twin fawns of a gazelle. i know it was wrong and didnt glorify God.  I am honestly not a lustful person - realy. I was banned from the board. i knew he would get the message and somehow he would send me a email of rebuke and/or cinfirming his marrige. but still nothing. My heart is sick i want this to end. is this out side of the word, to desire am engaged man. I dont know help me . this has been going on for 1 year and a half. this man doesnt know what i look like. I still believe he is the one. He is the only man i have ever desired to serve and be good to forever. I have never been this way before.

Posted: 07/18/2007 at 10:12pm | IP Logged

Hello Halimah,

Two things you bring out..a word was spoken to you that you would marry and then the night `something came over me.'

Words are seeds sown, either unto death or life. Which do you think this has caused in your life? Death meaning: chaos, confusion, fear, ect. Life meaning: joy and peace, righteousness/uprightness ect.

There are two wisdoms in operation, godly and worldly. Let's take a little view of the two.

1.) worldly wisdom consists of strife or factions. Meaning it is self-seeking. It is also envious which is an unfavorable fervent zeal or jealousness. it is indignant. Indignant can mean unjustly angry but it also means inappropriate. These things bring disorder, instability, commotion.

2.) godly wisdom is pure which one meaning of is: modest, It is peaceable, there is quietness and rest. it is gentle meaning: appropriate, moderate. it is easily entreated: compliant: courteous. It is full of mercy and good(beneficial) fruits. it is without partiality, meaning: without disunity. it is without hypocrisy: pretence

Looking at these, have you been living, walking in godly wisdom or worldy wisdom concerning this situation?  Godly wisdom is from above, worldy wisdom is earthly, sensual and devilish.

If i were the person on the receiving end of such posts..i would not receive them either. The enemy is subtle, he will take a natural desire you may have to marry and pervert it..bringing confusion, hopelessness, being driven unfavorably toward a `thing.'

Prophetic words are not the principal thing, wisdom is. We are instructed to get wisdom and with the getting of wisdom, understanding(prudence, discerning, skillfull view). The scripture in  James 1:5 says, `If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God that gives to all liberally and upbraids(disgraces) not; and it will be given him.

I would encourage you to search out what the scriptures say regarding wisdom and let wisdom(His) guide you. His wisdom leads you in righteousness/uprightness of heart and behaviour, it leads you in peace of heart and behaviour, it leads you in joy of heart and behaviour.

Blessings,

Posted: 07/19/2007 at 7:37am | IP Logged

good morning Halimah,

You asked this question "and i want to know if i am decieved or not"

Please read through again and ask Holy Spirit to reveal truth. I also recommend reading through the  KINGDOM GROWTH GUIDES

Posted: 07/19/2007 at 5:00pm | IP Logged

 Hello Halimah,

My suggestion to you would be to seek out someone who can help you in getting some wise counseling.  If you are not certain of anyone who can help you, I would really encourage you to seek someone who can do it, even on a professional basis.

One thing that comes to me very strongly is the fact that God is not the author of confusion.  I sense much confusion in your writing.  You also mention that you are very angry.  Once again, it's another emotion that God isn't behind.

I'm not sure what type of a church back ground you have.  And sometimes forums like Openheaven.com just can not get to the bottom of deep seated issues as we are limited by only sharing words over the internet.  Sometimes we even need to be set free from spirits that cause us concern and confusion, trying to keep us from fulfilling our divine destiny.

Blessings,

Larry